Kiss
Puke
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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