i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
