Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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