Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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