you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
