I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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