He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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