He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
