i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
