if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
