let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and she was petting her beer can
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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