I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have fence marks all over my body
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize