you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she told me i tasted like america
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
