I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
