My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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