If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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