i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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