i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's never too late to be topless.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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