Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize