I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
