I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
