I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
