my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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