I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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