Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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