My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize