I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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