dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
