So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
