just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
