dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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