Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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