Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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