dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
