mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
