I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
