Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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