Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
bring money and cleavage
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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