you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
