I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
