i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
