I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
