well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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