Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
