I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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