was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
