he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
