i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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