Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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