Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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