Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
