I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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