I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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