So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he thought i was a dude.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize