Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
