can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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