i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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