I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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