in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
