i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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