Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
