Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
