They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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