He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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