Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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