why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
