dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
