in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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